![]() I think this really reflects something larger in our culture, that's really harming and hurting us all."Īnd, so, understanding it, not just as my own lived experience, but as a larger societal, cultural problem or issue that we had, is really what drove me to want to write Platonic. I felt like, "Well, I don't think this is just me. I could no longer engage in that lie, that I didn't have love. It was just being in community, with people that I loved, that loved me, every week.Īnd I think another reason why that group really healed me is that it called into question some of the beliefs that I had, that had caused me to take this breakup so hard, which was, here I was, thinking I didn't have love in my life, when I had evidence of just how loved I was every week. It wasn't because we were meditating or doing yoga. Meeting up with these friends every week totally healed me. And, to heal, I ended up asking my friend, Heather, "What if we start this wellness group? We can meet up, practice wellness, cook, do yoga, go on walks, have dinner."Īnd I thought that would really help me heal my grief, and it did. And I was feeling so miserable, I think, in part, because of those beliefs. I think I just felt that if I couldn't maintain this romantic relationship, then I wasn't lovable. ![]() She realized just how important friendship was to her when she was in her early 20s and navigating a painful breakup. Marisa is the author of the book, Platonic: How The Science of Attachment Can Help You Make-and Keep-Friends. I'm Maya Shankar, and this is A Slight Change of Plans, a show about who we are and who we become, in the face of a big change. On today's episode, we explore the science of friendship, why it matters more than we might think, and what we can do to make new friends and keep the ones we have. You should reach out the next time."īut mutuality is taking a step back, to look at the broader dynamics that are going on for each of us and figuring out whose needs make sense to prioritize in this given situation. Mutuality is different from a lot of the ways that we think about friendship, in terms of, we might think of it as reciprocity, like, "I reached out this time. In our conversation, she shares some helpful strategies to enrich the quality of our friendships, including a concept known as mutuality. Society often teaches us that friendship is secondary to other relationships, like family or romantic partners, and Marisa wants to change that. Marisa Franco, a psychologist and an expert on friendship. I thought that those messages were actively harming me and that they might be harming other people too. It called into question some of the beliefs that I had about romantic versus platonic love. ![]() You can also follow us on Twitter, and listen for Hidden Brain stories each week on your local public radio station.I looked around at my friends, and I was like, "Well, why doesn't this love matter? Why have I been told that this love doesn't count?" ![]() Hidden Brain is hosted by Shankar Vedantam and produced by Parth Shah, Jennifer Schmidt, Rhaina Cohen, Thomas Lu, Laura Kwerel, and Camila Vargas Restrepo. Special thanks to NPR's From the Top with Christopher O'Riley for music of Maya's performances used in the episode. ![]() At the end of the podcast, you'll hear musician Aimee Mann read a poem by Emily Bishop. This week on Hidden Brain, we look at turning the page and starting anew. "I was really devastated to lose something that I was completely in love with, and so passionate about, and that had really constituted such a large part of my life and my identity," she says. What followed in the days after her musical career ended was an incredible sense of loss. It's a calling she couldn't have anticipated at Juilliard, where she dreamed of being a concert violinist. ![]()
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